Top 4 Reasons Why My Mom Needs A Job

1. She tries too hard to understand. My mom is one of those parents who desperately wants to be cool. She fails so miserably, in fact, that she actually succeeds. It's a strange phenomenon, I know. I will never forget a conversation I had with her after returning home from school one day when I was in 8th grade. It just so happened that my crush of one year and I had decided to "make it official" after school. I was so excited and told my mom that Jeff and I were officially "going out." She smiled, but then instantly looked confused and said, "That's great honey, but you can't drive...where are you going to go exactly?" It took her until we broke up Junior year to figure out that we had been dating the entire time despite my efforts to explain.

2. She worries about things she shouldn't think twice about. I'll admit, my dad and I aren't the greatest at remembering things if we don't write them down. But, I don't think we're the worst at it, either. My mom...begs to differ. She is convinced that if she doesn't remind us to do something 65,000 times along with writing notes all over the house, that we will instantly forget due to incompetence. Not even important things, she does it with trivial matters as well. I remember one time when she told me to pick up cream on my way home from playing golf. She told me 4 times, told my dad 3 seperate times, had a note waiting for us at the breakfast table, a note covering the door handle, and a note sitting in the car. When we finished playing, we each had a voicemail, and no, it wasn't from our friends. We brought home the wrong type of cream, on purpose. It was totally worth the look on her face.

3. She has entirely too much time on her hands. My mom, bless her heart, is very attached to her only child. This quality is a good one, normally. It becomes an issue when you send her kid to college and give her nothing to do. I'm the girl who has to call home every day, I know, tragedy. I wouldn't mind it so much if it were on my own accord, but we all know (or at least I'm guessing you have caught on) my mom wouldn't sleep for 5 minutes if she didn't know I was safely in my room. Heaven forbid I don't pick up while I'm in class, either. It usually means there's a campuswide emergency in which I had to evacuate. I also receive packages periodically, full of things you can only get at home. Shampoo and snack foods are no longer on the shelves of Kroger. If they were, why would my mom spend money to ship them to me?
4. She has entirely too much time on her hands, part II.
I will let a picture from my birthday dinner do all the talking for this one.



I know you're annoyed at the fact that this list wasn't an even 5 but I had to stop, considering the list is virtually neverending.